Ch.Ch.Ch.Changes

I am putting the property on the market. It was a humiliating, humbling act to do a go-fund-me page – I thought it was only for the desperate, the non-proud. I do not see selling my property as failure at all (well, I still need a buyer), I see it as moving onto the NEXT CHAPTER of my life. That the words “next chapter” are even flowing from my fingertips is the most OPTIMISTIC thing that has occurred to me in....I don't know how long, really. Thank you for believing in me, and reminding me of the tenacity of the human spirit. Until I find a buyer, I DO plan to be fully operational, functional and teaching eight-classes per week, to make the most of what is left of this chapter. I do hope you join me in this movement of hope. No more stagnant inertia....time to move forward. Grateful for this gift of life, grateful for your support.

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LSD and Me - Milestones - Turning 50

Psychedelic therapy, in controlled, loving, safe, beautiful environment can be so therapeutic (not recreational). It had been over a year since I tripped, but after the mania of my 50th birthday, depression and PTSD hit so hard I felt the call for some jungle island psychedelic therapy, which is like hitting a “reset” button on the brain. So grateful for my respectful, compassionate guide this past weekend. After hours, of staring at the palm trees with tropical birds, me being cradled in a couch and snuggling a pillow for hours, I then culminated by I dancing out “Abbey Road” while watching Caribbean waves crash to the golden beach below. By then I was ready to get home to my own bed and cats in Bocas Town, just 8 miles away, yet a world away. Tripping feels like a weight has been released, relieved. Reset back to myself again, myself that only knew of beauty and love in this world, before trauma set in. I can breathe again.

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A Piercing Where The Light Gets In

I just found out that my Instagram account BANNED the video attached to this blog! Perfect poetry in that, the exact reason that, much influential to me, Mapplethorpe, got his photography banned. Apparently it provoked someone enough to be up in arms about the human body. This is the POWER of being the Mistress of my own web-domain, and independence afforded by being my own boss. Here I freely offer you exclusive viewing of this so-called offensive video - enjoy. It's just me in my natural element, celibate, and sensuous surrounded by nature. Please by all means read the heart-felt, tears-inducing, raw, open, authentic, courageous, vulnerable article that precedes the video - now THAT is true intimacy. Thank you. In all love and respect.

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Yep, I'm Gay

As a person who is in a constant state of recovery from a concussion, an extremely-near-death experience, addiction to alcohol, and mental illness, I felt my right brain was fully lit-up for ten weeks after the Awakening. Perhaps I was just happy to be alive after the psychotic break. After ten weeks, I could feel a balance shifting, depression returning, left-brain impatiently and angrily demanding attention. I had to figure out why and how this was happening and how I could balance it, and as soon as I realized that I need to come out of the closet, not just to myself, but publicly, as lesbian, the depression lifted, and there seems to be a current balance of left and right brain. I am still lightly medicated, make no mistake, but seem to have achieved a really steady balance. I am bipolar, so a steady balance is something I must monitor and regulate closely and carefully.

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Truth Awakens: Journey of the Wounded Healer

Let me declare that this had been an extremely dangerous, hazardous road to wellness, that I do not suggest to anyone. Life-threatening, it has been, indeed. However when someone is in a position with nothing to lose – at the end of one’s rope, so to speak – danger and risk are pleasant, familiar, life-long play-friends one greets with only a modicum of fear, if not seductive excitement. Three weeks ago I was hit with a cataclysmic event that taught me to have a reverence, a respectful and rightful fear of what can only be described as “meeting my maker”. For a skeptical, atheist, science-minded, book-worm, introvert, I can only loosely describe the apocalyptic experience as seeing the “face of God”. The word apocalypse literally means “an uncovering”, a disclosure of knowledge or revelation. “Metting God” is as close as I can describe, using human language, to what happened, with such a strong, traumatic force, to me.

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Born Naked – The Rest Is Drag

“We are born naked, the rest is drag”, is a motto often heard from RuPaul Charles. We all wear drag – yes even you – the moment we put on clothes, shoes, jewelry to get up and face the day. A uniform you wear to work, whether it is a required uniform, such as military, pilot, cop or your personal style – it’s all drag. It’s all a layer covering our true self. How we choose to present ourselves to the public. For both men and women, from your hairstyle, to your fingernails – it’s all drag.

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